Walking in on the Fun
by bxkingtutu
Summary: Xander has always forgiven Buffy, now he has the last laugh.


Rating: R-ish  
  
Ships: B/X, C/X, some D/X, V/X, D/V, and W/K  
  
Spoilers: Everything on both shows, up to the end of May 2003 and a big one  
  
about Spike for Angel season 5 (like everybody hasn't already heard).  
  
Continuity: Initially set over a year after the last episode "Chosen",  
  
season 7 BtVS and "Home", season 4 Angel.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the BtVS and Angel characters; Joss, ME, WB and UPN  
  
do. But the story's mine.  
  
A/N: This is how I see a B/X relationship working out, if Marti and ME ever  
  
decided to get them together. Cruel, I know, but this is my imagination for  
  
you.  
  
Summary: Xander Harris is cursed in life and love. But by 2008, he's the  
  
one laughing all the way to the bank.  
  
Title: Walking In On The Fun  
  
Los Angeles, 2004  
  
As he walked down the street, Xander Harris wondered how his life had  
  
gotten so good lately. He had a job again, and he had a girlfriend. Sure  
  
they hadn't had sex yet, even if they'd been together for over a year, but  
  
the physical part wasn't everything in a relationship - right?  
  
The young man smiled as he thought of how much he loved Buffy Summers, and  
  
although the relationship was a little rocky...he knew that with luck and  
  
determination, they would make it work.  
  
Xander walked into his apartment, tired after the long day at the  
  
construction site. He was glad Willow had been able to give him a magical  
  
eye, so that he could start working again; doing what he loved best. Too  
  
bad it only held up for six hours before it needed to be magically  
  
recharged for 12 hours, but at least it was better than that damn eyepatch...  
  
As he walked into his apartment that he shared with Buffy, the former Donut  
  
Boy of Sunnydale High heard strange noises coming from their bedroom;  
  
Xander then thought, 'I still can't believe she's with me...'  
  
But as he walked into the room, the one-time Zeppo was shocked to see Buffy  
  
with not just Angel but Spike as well, naked in their bed.  
  
"Holy - oh for cryin' out loud, again Buffy? Damn it, and with those two?!  
  
Hey, hey, you could at least stop while I'm talking-!?" he yelled, as Angel  
  
and the reborn William the Bloody continued to pleasure the blonde Slayer.  
  
Unable to listen to her moans, Xander walked out of the room and waited  
  
half an hour for them to finish. Then he heard them starting to talk in the  
  
other room...  
  
**In the bedroom**  
  
"I still can't believe you're actually with that useless whelp, luv. Leave  
  
him, we can give ya all the fun you need," said Spike. After being  
  
resurrected by the people working for Angel, the two had decided on  
  
contacting Buffy - in more than one sense.  
  
"Yeah, Buffy, forget him. Spike and I can take care of *all* your needs,"  
  
added a smirking Angel. After all, he was about to get the girl of his  
  
desires; and by this time the guy didn't care if he had to share her with  
  
Spike or not.  
  
Hell, the past year had been great; utilizing the resources of Wolfram &  
  
Hart had worked out bloody wonderful for him. He now was able to keep his  
  
soul even after a moment of happiness, and have his way with any woman he  
  
wanted. Plus, Angel had lots of money and power over the L.A. populace,  
  
demon or otherwise...  
  
"Sorry guys, I can't. But that doesn't mean you can't come by, and have  
  
some fun occasionally..."  
  
Buffy didn't like the disappointed looks on their faces, but then she  
  
couldn't bear to let Xander leave her. Sure, Spike and Angel were great in  
  
bed; but having the guy who'd always loved her constantly at her beck and  
  
call, that was a feeling akin to a 24/7 orgasm.  
  
'To think my Xander-shaped friend keeps coming back to me, every day!'  
  
Buffy thought with a giggle. And what the hell; she knew just how to talk  
  
to him, and convince him that what he'd just seen wasn't her fault, or that  
  
of the other two.  
  
-Scene change-  
  
Xander watched Angel and Spike leave, and glared at them as they smirked on  
  
the way out. After they left, he waited for Buffy as she walked into the  
  
living room, "So what the hell was that supposed to be about? And isn't  
  
Spike supposed to be just a pile of ashes now?"  
  
"Well, it's complicated - but basically Angel was able to resurrect him,  
  
and they needed me to have sex with them so that Spike can stay alive."  
  
It was ridiculous and lame, but Buffy tried to look guilty and depressed so  
  
that Xander would believe it. 'Odds are you'll fall for that one...' "He  
  
saved the world, Xander, when he closed the Hellmouth. It, it was the least  
  
I could do..."  
  
Oddly enough, the 23-year-old *did* believe her. "Fine, Buffy, but  
  
you told me you wouldn't cheat on me again! Damn it, it's the fourth time -  
  
and you promised me the last time, that that was it!"  
  
Buffy looked ready to cry. "But I forgive you!" Xander quickly added. He  
  
got up, hugged her, and missed the expression that was on Buffy's face.  
  
'I knew it would work!' "I promise, sweetheart, it's the last time anything  
  
like that will ever happen!" she swore to the man holding her gently.  
  
-Scene change-  
  
A few days later Xander was with Buffy in their bed, "Come on, Buffy! You  
  
had sex with Angel and Spike at the same time, why can't I have some fun  
  
too?" the bearer of the magical eye asked with some desperation.  
  
"Because...look, Xander, I-I'm not ready to go that far with you yet. Don't  
  
you want me to be ready? To make it really worthwhile for me, as well as  
  
for you?" Buffy gave him the best puppy dog eyes she could, adding a pout  
  
to it. "Don't you love me enough? And how could you bring up what happened  
  
before? You know I had no choice about that! I thought you forgave me..."  
  
"Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry. You're right," Xander hugged her, and as she rolled  
  
onto her side he just tried to get some rest.  
  
Buffy ignored that and quickly fell asleep, thinking, 'Man! I can't believe  
  
he always forgives me and believes me. Oh well, more fun for me I guess...'  
  
Los Angeles, 2005  
  
A year later, Buffy still hadn't had sex with Xander; and she had been  
  
caught three more times, cheating on him.  
  
They say nothing good lasts forever; finally, Xander decided to leave her,  
  
after being convinced to do so by Dawn and Vi. The two said they wanted to  
  
start a relationship with him, and really desperate for a shag - the big  
  
dummy agreed.  
  
As Xander walked home to his new apartment that he shared with the two  
  
lovely young women, he was happy with his life again. He had two beautiful  
  
girls waiting, and was so hoping to get lucky tonight...  
  
Harris walked into his bedroom, and saw both Vi and Dawn going at it.  
  
"Cool, I'll join you girls..."  
  
But the two women instantly pulled the covers over themselves, the apple  
  
not falling far from the tree. "Sorry Xander, Vi and I have decided that we  
  
don't want you anymore. We can take care of things ourselves, now that you  
  
got us an apartment. So, you can leave - and don't let the door hit your  
  
ass on the way out."  
  
The man looked at Dawn, hurt. "But I thought you loved me?"  
  
Vi laughed, "Yeah, right! We just used you like everyone else does, chump.  
  
Now hit the road!"  
  
Xander realized then that he shouldn't have leased the apartment in their  
  
names; so he just packed up his stuff in a suitcase, and left.  
  
-Scene Change-  
  
Depressed and having nowhere else to go, Xander finally made up his mind to  
  
go back to Buffy. She *had* called his cell phone a few days ago, and asked  
  
him to get back together with her...  
  
The young man soon found himself in front of Buffy's apartment, and  
  
knocked. Buffy opened the door as she wiped her mouth, "Oh!! Hi Xander,  
  
good to have you back..."  
  
Xander tried to walk in, despite her trying to stop him, then noticed that  
  
Spike and Angel were in the living room and straightening their pants - or  
  
at least trying to. "Oh great, them again! To think that I forgave you, but  
  
I see things haven't changed..."  
  
Xander turned to the open door, and saw Cordelia about to knock. "Cordy!?"  
  
he said, shocked.  
  
The brunette smiled at him, then yanked the man out into the hallway and  
  
closed the door behind her, breaking the handle. "Sorry Xand, but I didn't  
  
want to have to talk over the three moaners in there."  
  
Xander hugged her, and laughed bitterly. "Oh my God, Cordy, I missed you!  
  
Where have you been? I tried searching for you, but Angel said you didn't  
  
want to be found..."  
  
She snorted. "That ass!? Oh yeah, I know everything he said, Xander."  
  
"And I say, HUH?" he replied, wondering what 'everything' entailed and what  
  
the hell she was talking about.  
  
"I think all that time underwater screwed up his brain, big time! Either  
  
that, or those evil lawyers finally succeeded in, you know..." Cordelia  
  
then explained everything that had happened, including her and Angel  
  
falling in love.  
  
"So, so lemme get this straight. You became part-demon. Then a higher  
  
being, but that was just a fakeout to get you where you had to be in order  
  
to be filled with the essence of some sorta Power-That-Was? And, and then  
  
you came back, had sex with Angel's kid, gave birth, ended up in a coma  
  
and...hey, wait, how does Angel even *have* a kid? Damn, someone else's  
  
life is even worse than mine!"  
  
Buffy chose at that moment to smash down the door and grab Xander. She  
  
snarled at Cordelia, "Leave my boyfriend alone, you bitch!"  
  
"Don't you mean your meal-ticket?" Cordy quickly replied. "Well, forget it,  
  
he's coming with me. I'll treat him like he deserves, and he won't even  
  
have to support me. Besides, I don't want to let all that training I did on  
  
him in high school to go to waste!"  
  
Xander looked at the two, wondering what the hell was going on; all he knew  
  
was two girls were fighting over him, and he kinda liked it. "Ah, do I get  
  
to have any say in this?"  
  
Buffy shouted, "NO!"  
  
But Cordy grinned at him, "Don't interrupt Xand, I was talking to Slutty  
  
here..."  
  
The thing was, Ms. Chase had had enough of the fucked-up life she had been  
  
leading. Yes she still wanted to help people, and yes she wanted to start  
  
up her acting career again; but she had realized that wouldn't happen with  
  
Angel now, since he had gone over to the dark side with Wolfram &Hart.  
  
All she knew was that with her ex-boyfriend, things might start working out  
  
for her, and let her progress towards having a so-called life. "Ya know  
  
what? This is a waste of time. Xander, let's get outta here; I have a  
  
business proposition to offer you, something the bitch here can't match..."  
  
Not knowing what to say, Xander just shrugged and went along with it. But  
  
Buffy pushed him aside, and got ready to attack Cordy. "I'll show you what  
  
*this* bitch can do, you little tramp! I know you're part-demon now, so  
  
that means I get to slay you..."  
  
"Don't you mean screw me, Buffy? 'Cause that's what you do with the bad  
  
guys, isn't it?" replied Queen C. Cordelia then quickly sidestepped the  
  
enraged charge, and watched as Xander grabbed the Buffmeister and picked  
  
her up.  
  
"Calm down, Buffy! Damn it - Angel, Spike! Come on, grab ahold of her..."  
  
He then dragged Buffy inside.  
  
The two centuries-old creatures snapped out of their shock at seeing  
  
Cordelia out of her coma, and took a firm grip on the enraged Slayer before  
  
she could try to get out of Xander's grasp.  
  
"Cordy! You're, you're awake!" Angel sputtered, as he looked at her - clad  
  
only in his boxer shorts.  
  
The Chase woman raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, and I can see you've been waiting  
  
patiently for me to wake up, like you kept telling me whenever you came to  
  
visit - once in a blue moon!" She then looked at her former boss in  
  
disgust, "God, Angel, is it any wonder Wesley left your undead ass behind  
  
when he went to go rebuild the Council with Giles in England? That Gunn and  
  
Fred eloped and never came back? That even Lorne doesn't speak to you  
  
anymore?"  
  
Deciding to just ignore Angel, Cordelia walked up to Xander. "Come on  
  
dorkhead, what do you really have here? Nothing but pain and betrayal,  
  
that's what, so like I said - let's go!"  
  
Buffy tried to stop him. "Xander, you could be attacked by vampires out  
  
there! It, it's not safe for you to leave," she said, trying to use one of  
  
the old classics from high school.  
  
"Oh please, Buffy, all the vamps around here are in your bedroom!" Xander  
  
slowly walked up to her and softly caressed her cheek, "But you know, I do  
  
forgive you. Whatever else has happened between us, I have to do that. But  
  
it's over, I am done here. I hope you can find happiness..."  
  
Cordy walked up to Xander, grabbed his ear and they started to leave; but  
  
then she stopped, and hit him on the back of the head. "Damn it, loser boy,  
  
stop forgiving her!"  
  
"I can't help it, Cordy! It's like I'm cursed or something, and have to  
  
keep doing it. Just like she has to keep cheating on me. Huh, maybe Anya or  
  
Halfrek got bored one day when they were all vengeance-y, and this is their  
  
posthumous revenge..."  
  
-Scene Change-  
  
"I can't believe she picked him over me. Argghh!!" screamed Angel, as the  
  
other two left the building. "He must have put a spell on her!"  
  
Buffy was shocked at Angel's words, "What the hell are you talking about?  
  
You're mine! Remember when we had the cookie dough talk? Well, I am ready  
  
to be eaten now..." she was starting to get angry.  
  
"But, still!" Angel cried. "We were meant to be together! It was  
  
kye-rumption!"  
  
"What?" asked Spike, not recognizing the Pylean word.  
  
Angel said vaguely, still staring longingly after Cordy, "It's when two  
  
Champions meet together on some kinda field, and know that - uh, that  
  
they're supposed to be together or something, I forget exactly what..."  
  
That did it; those words were enough to move all her anger at Xander  
  
towards Angel. Buffy screamed and attacked her first time, the Slayer  
  
strength put to very painful use.  
  
Spike watched with a toothy grin as the two fought, "Great, I love it when  
  
they start with the foreplay like this!"  
  
Cleveland, 2008  
  
Buffy, Spike, Angel, and the rest of the Slayers decided to watch TV  
  
together for once. They started channel-surfing, when they came upon an E!  
  
Entertainment show.  
  
They watched the telly as they heard, "And now for our interview with the  
  
duo who some people are calling the new IT couple in Hollywood...Cordelia  
  
Chase and Xander Harris!"  
  
The group watched in silence, stunned at what they were seeing.  
  
Interviewer: "Now, Cordelia. I've heard that some characters on your show  
  
have been taken from people you actually know, in real life?"  
  
Cordy: "Oh sure, Xander and I went to school with this one girl? All she  
  
could do was try to manipulate everyone, and use a pushup bra to get  
  
whatever she wanted. So basically, the dumb blonde has to be saved all the  
  
time on the show, just like the girl we knew. It makes for great  
  
storylines, and ratings!"  
  
Everyone turned to look at Buffy, jaws nearly on the floor; and the woman  
  
in question was white with disbelief.  
  
Interviewer: "I know you've stated for the record that you can't reveal  
  
much, but could you at least mention the name of this person, so that our  
  
viewers can be familiar with the character on the day of the premiere?"  
  
Cordy: "Well, her name is Muffy Ummars. Of course, we had to change the  
  
original name slightly so that we wouldn't have to deal with any legal  
  
ramifications or whatever! My husband here wrote most of the storyline,  
  
along with myself."  
  
In the TV room Buffy was fuming, "That bitch, I'll kill her!"  
  
Interviewer: "So tell us, how did the series become the first show ever to  
  
be aired on two networks?"  
  
Xander: "Oh, that's easy; after the three movies Cordelia starred in hit  
  
number one at the box office for two months straight, the bigwigs decided  
  
it was worth the risk. Myself, I never believed it was any risk at all  
  
compared to the last job she had," he laughed.  
  
"Yeah, Harris, laugh it up, ha-ha!" Angel replied angrily to the TV set.  
  
Interviewer: "Cordelia, I heard on the grapevine there was an idea for a  
  
sister show to the one you'll star in. Can you confirm or deny?"  
  
Cordy: "Well, yeah, there was a character we had thought of using; but he  
  
was so tall, dark and brooding all the time, all our test audiences thought  
  
he mighta been a bit too West Hollywood. You know, gay! Not that there's  
  
anything wrong with that..."  
  
The 250-year-old former Irishman could have been run over by a truck at  
  
that moment, and never even noticed.  
  
Xander: "Yeah, it was the funniest thing. I mean, we set him up to be this  
  
big 'Dark Avenger' hero type; and all that the survey questionnaires  
  
contained were complaints about the hair, and how gay it looked! So we  
  
basically decided to can the idea, and maybe bring the character in as  
  
cannon fodder later on in future seasons."  
  
"Why, that son of a-! I'll hunt him down. I'll rip his throat out!"  
  
screamed Angel, while Spike did his best to smother his laughter.  
  
"Ah, honey, we don't have the money to go after him or penetrate their  
  
security now. Remember? You bankrupted the LA branch of Wolfram &Hart,"  
  
replied a bitter Buffy. Her meal-ticket was gone, and Angel had messed up  
  
her chance at financial security...  
  
Angel looked around angrily, "Well, I'm not a lawyer! How was I supposed to  
  
know how to run a law firm?!"  
  
The rest of those present ignored their somewhat amusing antics, their eyes  
  
glued firmly to the TV.  
  
Interviewer: "So, everyone is dying to know how much the Chase-Harris  
  
estate is worth now, with this TV series/movie deal. Any hints you can give  
  
us?"  
  
Cordy: "Well, it wouldn't be proper for us to state on air just how much  
  
we're really worth, but I can say that with the new special effects  
  
software our company has going, we'll be around for years - even if we  
  
decide to not do the series anymore."  
  
Interviewer: "Yes, and speaking of which - can you please reveal more about  
  
your company, Chasers Inc.? Information on it has truly been scarce. It's  
  
almost spooky," he laughed.  
  
Xander: "Okay, when we initially started our first movie about two years  
  
ago, I was doing most of the funding - along with a few other silent  
  
partners. I'd worked for years saving up money, and I decided to use it to  
  
help my wife's career. Our old high school classmate and friend Andrew  
  
Wells was Cordelia's assistant for a while, and helped work out the  
  
logistics of Chasers Inc.; when we started filming, he also told us he  
  
could do all the special effects on, like, this shoestring budget. So we  
  
gave him the funding, and he really surprised us with his ideas and  
  
methods! Actually, he's now the president of the company, as well as head  
  
designer of-"  
  
"That little turd has his own company now?! I can't believe this!" screamed  
  
Willow Rosenberg, drowning Xander out completely.  
  
"Bloody hell," said Spike in amazement. "I shoulda killed the little git  
  
when we were alone in Gilroy, way back when..."  
  
"Hmm, think they could use any stunt doubles?" laughed Faith. Then she got  
  
a funny expression, "Ya know what? I think I'm gonna get in touch with the  
  
X-man, and charm myself a job - 'cause you never forget your first time! It  
  
looks like he's got something good going there..." She subsequently got up,  
  
packed and left the building - tired of all the crap about her past that  
  
she had been putting up with from Buffy for the last few years, after Robin  
  
Wood had died.  
  
"And where are all of you going?" Buffy demanded of the large group of  
  
Slayers, that had started leaving the main room of the remodeled motel they  
  
had been living in.  
  
"Well," Rona said slowly, "This, uh, may not be the best time to-"  
  
She noticed Buffy's glare, and shrugged. "Okay, we've kind of decided to  
  
move back to our own cities. I mean, we're not exactly needed in this town  
  
anymore; the Hellmouth around here isn't even at a hundredth of the power  
  
of the one that was in Sunnydale. Plus, I think some of us are going to  
  
England, and try to get a job working for the Council..."  
  
Buffy was stunned. "No. No, they're evil! I, I order you not to go! You're  
  
all needed here! And there's still so much I have to train you for..."  
  
"Train us?" one girl spoke up in amazement. "Please, you haven't been out  
  
of this building or your bedroom in weeks! You've been facing vampires  
  
every night, but they've been plunging their stakes into your dark places  
  
and not the other way around, if ya know what I mean..."  
  
"Yeah," another girl chimed in. "Besides - now that your sugar daddy  
  
vampire has run outta money after screwing up running the big evil law  
  
firm, we can't afford the rent in this place anymore. So, we're outta here!"  
  
"You traitors!"  
  
Ignoring that, all the girls left but two. "Great, you guys are staying  
  
with me?" Buffy beamed.  
  
"No, we're leaving too. Come on, Spike!"  
  
Buffy whipped her head around, unable to believe one of her lovers was  
  
thinking of abandoning her.  
  
"Sorry pet, but nowadays if ya don't look out for number one, you're just  
  
askin' for some wanker to come up and start buggering you! Been meaning to  
  
look Dru up for a few years, anyway. Gotta go where it's best for me, ya  
  
know..." Spike got up, and left with the younger Slayer.  
  
"Well, Buffy, I-I'm sorry - but I have to stay with Kennedy, I love her.  
  
Look, I know you'll be fine, you have Angel..." So saying, Willow jumped up  
  
and chased after the other two.  
  
Angel then looked at his woman, shrugged and went off to get a drink before  
  
going to bed.  
  
"But I'm the Slayer!!" Buffy cried out to the empty room.  
  
THE END 


End file.
